This edition of OKR was particularly difficult for me to write and therefore it has been delayed for more than a month. And this blog looks like “non-OKR”. The last six months were transformative in mostly negative ways. As I have written here, I prepared and passed the B2 German Exam. I also talked about my game programming retreat and the release of my first game. Two things which I barely mentioned here were my academic work and open source development, the two among the three key objectives. I did write about how tedious it was to handle the changing R internal C API. It might be related to the open source development. One thing that I never want to touch upon is my academic work. From my view, nothing good happened in that regard during the last few months. Or, something actually happened but I am either not wanting to mention it or simply too trivial for me to recount it. I mentioned in my last post that my mental health was not at the best condition in the last few months. The self diagnosis was job-related burn out. But many would disagree. Regardless of whether or not I was / am burning out, I don’t feel the same about my job as academic and as open source developer like I did six months ago. I am increasingly reluctant to write about my academic work everywhere. I did not even want to “toot” about my new paper. What the fuck is the meaning of doing that? I asked myself several times this question and I have come to an answer that I can only keep it to myself. I will not say it publicly. I also don’t want to mention the non-research aspect of my job. That’s even worse. Fuck! Even the Open Source aspect is frustrating. Like I went to the R conference, but I feel that I do not belong there. As a matter of fact, I don’t know where I belong. The fact that I see every thing as wrong could be a strong indication that the one who is wrong is probably me. I am now trying to find an aspect of my work that I might like and am developing it. This is now like the “make or break” moment. No matter how tedious it is, I am still enjoying it (to myself). Let’s hope that it will be developed into something interesting. ↩

Those are simply fixing the features that “no one” use. I don’t want to talk about the political part of it. Why the fuck it is so difficult to add parquet support to this package? Do I ask for too much? ↩

I actually like this paper a lot. Super like. The collabrators, Tim and Johannes, are world class too. I also adore the second one: Chan, Freundenthaler & Müller. I would like to thank Philipp (Müller) for joining the project when the paper was in a crisis. These two papers are actually very me and represent my voice in the methodological space. But unfortunately, I don’t think they would shine if my name is on them. Three out of these four papers are so-called “award-winning” papers, either last year or this year. But YMMV. ↩